A Tony Romo Day

I've found a new phrase that describes something that happens in my life and ministry. I named it after the quarterback of my favorite pro football team. I've been a fan of the Cowboys since I was in junior high--that's a long time!

Sunday was one of those days that comes along every once in awhile. I woke up feeling, I don't know--disconnected. Just didn't feel or sense God's presence and power that morning. There wasn't any reason I could identify. I prayed that despite my feelings, God would anoint me and His word and message. But still, I felt kind of disconnected.

Then in the first service, my mic was not right and I got distracted and forgot what I was saying. I ended up just stopping my message and asking the guys in the back to do what they could while I just chatted with the folks. Finally they got it to the acceptable range and off I went again--but, I just didn't feel like I was connecting.

In the second service, the sound was better but somebody's head was filled with snot and they kept blowing their nose so loud it sounded like an impatient driver on the freeway honking his brains out. I struggled there too.

In the third service, somebody's phone went off. The ring tone was a baby crying--a baby crying! They didn't turn it off. Finally I said, "Is that a baby or a phone?" Nobody moved. I lost my place again. It was horrible.

I didn't feel like I did a very good job. Our attendance was off what I expected by about 10-15%. Not very many people went to the prayer room for prayer afterwards. Very few came to the Next Step room to meet me afterwards. I was on Suicide Watch the rest of the day. A few things happened that afternoon to make it worse.

And then I watched the Cowboys get beat by the New York Giants. Tony Romo, the quarterback had some great moments and some not-so-great moments and the latter cost them the game. That's when I thought, "You know, everybody struggles with consistency. Can't have your A-game all the time."

I had a Tony Romo day, Sunday. But God was good. He reminded me the next morning that He was still on the throne; that His word does accomplishes what He sends it out to do; that some of His best work is done in the secret places. So, here I go again. My hope is in God!

Coaching

Growing up, I never really had very good coaches. I didn't get the help I need to improve my game in any of my sports. Didn't really have any memorable teachers either. Maybe it was because I didn't have much to work with and they didn't want to waste their time!!

When I stepped into leadership positions as an adult, I learned by watching. I watched what I thought were good leaders and tried to emulate them. I watched what I thought were bad leaders and probably learned more. Through these 40 years, I wish I had had a coach, someone who could listen to my situation, my leadership challenge, and then help me find the best solution. It would have saved me a BUNCH of heartache. Some of it is unavoidable, but much of it can be avoided if you have someone helping you who has been down the path before.

I'm a part of a start-up coaching network put together by Lamar Slay and Partners in Church Consulting. I'm really excited about it and encourage you to check it out at www.pcccoachingnetwork.com The leaders that are a part of this network are phenomenal and can help immeasurably. Like Rick Warren says, "You can learn from your mistakes, or you can learn from someone else's mistakes!" Wisdom chooses the latter.

Ministry Fatigue 4

As I write this, I am sitting in a beautiful lake house on a private lake in North Texas. The sunset last night was to kill for. This morning is cool and misty. I'm re-reading four books that I have read the last two years to do kind of a 'reconnoitering' of where we are relative to where we need to be as a church. It's a critical process every leader must go through often; it takes time, reflection, meditation, and prayer in large, uninterrupted portions. If I was back in Arlington in my office, this would not be happening.

I haven't always had these kinds of digs to do my get-aways. When I got started on this, I would head to a Starbucks in another community and hang out all day. When I wanted an overnight experience, I'd go to a hotel in another community. I began to network my way into places owned by friends, acquaintances, or church members that were nice and secluded. I stop at a grocery store on the way, get some peanut butter and jelly and turkey and chips and diet cokes and head out. These study breaks have generally been pretty inexpensive to do.

When I began these soul-enriching getaways, I did them once a quarter. Put it on my schedule and do it. They were just a day at first, expanding out to three days. When we went to three services this spring, I scheduled one EVERY month for three days. I read, I work on messages, I relax. I divide the day up into thirds: morning, afternoon, evening. Typically I read 1/3 of the day, work on church stuff 1/3 of the day, and relax/play 1/3 of the day.

At the Leadership Summit this year, David Gergen related how in the days before the U.S. entered WW2, President Roosevelt and his advisers were trying to figure out how to get involved without declaring war. Out of no where, Roosevelt declared it was time to go fishing. His aides were aghast: with such critical issues to be resolved, what in the world was the President thinking about? But it was while he was deep sea fishing that week, that Roosevelt came up with what is now known as "Lend-Lease." Sometimes our best creativity comes in the most unstructured times.

Do this. Explain the need to key leaders. Start slow. Discover what rests, feeds, and energizes your soul--and do it! You, your family, your church--the very Kingdom, will benefit.

Ministry Fatigue 3

After I passed out that Sunday on stage, I began to grab hold of my schedule. At that time, I was meeting with leaders or others 3-5 times a week for breakfast. It was the best time to meet with them before they headed off to work. It kept my evenings clearer than if I didn't.

But those meetings were draining my soul in ways that were subtle, but dangerous. My time with the Lord each morning seemed rushed because I needed to be out the door at a certain time. My exercise regimen was inconsistent because I wanted to make sure I was getting at least some time with God. When I tried to get up early enough to get it all in before my appointment, I dragged around all day because of lack of sleep. If I tried to go work out after the appointment, it just wasn't a good workout. Plus, I felt like I needed to be first or nearly first into the office.

I decided the week after the collapse (breakdown) that I wouldn't set up any more early appointments. I would start my day off unhurried with the Lord and adequately exercise His temple. It did (and occasionally does) hack some people off who want to meet with me early, but that's just the way it has to be. If I'm depleted and drained, I'm no good to nobody--even God!

I also decided to move my study day to Tuesday and to do it at home. Wife and kids gone, no interruptions from staff and others. I was able to get my message completely finished and to my assistant for production issues in the worship folder and the powerpoint slides. Some folks didn't like that either, but that's just the way it had to be. My stress level would compound dramatically the later in the week I was working on my message. So insulating myself for the day was a huge step in reducing my stress. It also made for better messages! My assistant knew how to get me if I was really needed. Funny thing--take yourself out of the center of everything and see how well things go without you! And that's a good thing!!!

I also started planning some 'study breaks' into my schedule. More later.

Ministry Fatigue 2

Ministry fatigue: why does it happen? Well, there are lots of reasons, but a few of the key ones are:

1. The high calling of Christ Jesus. He has called us to give up our lives for Him. Paul talks about being a drink offering poured out for the Lord. It is a privilege to be used up for the Lord. So this great and worthy purpose compels us to press on to the mark--and we get fatigued.

2. We're human. It's always been interesting to me to think about the human side of our Lord Jesus. Fully divine, yes; but also fully human. He grew thirsty, tired, and hungry in John 4. He was so tired after preaching and ministering that He slept in the bottom of the boat during a raging storm in Mark 4. The human side of Jesus had limitations. So do we.

3. Insecurities. Truth be known, we over-extend ourselves because we have something to prove: that we're not lazy, that we earn our wage, that we are needed, that we're worthy of the position.

This last reason of course is why ministry fatigue moves from brownout into burnout or even breakdown. We don't let ourselves observe Sabbath, not because our folks won't let us, but because we won't let us. We fool ourselves into thinking that the task is too great, the time too short, the calling too strong--when really, down deep, it's because our insecurities are too profound. Until you come to grips with this: you'll always be living in the unhealthy, and I'd say even ungodly realm of extreme ministry fatigue. Past just being tired. Past even brownout, which happens in the normal flow of ministry. Experiencing burnout or breakdown is not about our calling; it's about our pride. Believe me, I know personally and have seen it countless times in others.

The result is a loss of zeal for ministry, or quitting all together. Breakdowns emotionally, particularly in the area of chronic anxiety. Physical breakdowns as your body craters under the pressure (heart, weight gain/loss, cancer, joints, back). And then the relationship breakdowns are the most tragic: marriages crumbling, kids rebelling, families dysfunctional.

This is sin. Confess it and ask God to give you His perspective. And then change your schedule and lifestyle. I'll share what I've done next.

Ministry Fatigue

Today I was at lunch with a group of pastors and the topic turned to burnout. Now that's a subject I know a lot about! I've struggled through the years trying to find the balance between working hard and working smart; between pushing the ball up the court and passing out on the bench.

In 2000, I was passed out on the stage because I had pushed myself too far. I began to analyze my work pattern, my insecurities, and my long-term goals. I've watched and learned and listened through the years.

I think typically there is a continuum that pastors move along relative to ministry fatigue. First there is brownout. Then there is burnout. Then there is breakdown. When I was laying on the stage, that was breakdown. Some people (including my wife) thought I was just playing around; that it was a part of my message! When folks picked me up and carried me to the office, I knew I had to do something different. I've been on a quest since then to make sure that I run hard, but finish well.

I'll talk about what I've learned on the subject for the next few blogs. First from the prognosis side, then the diagnosis side, then from the prescriptive side. "All who run in the race, run to win." 1 Corinthians 9:24 I want to run in such a way as to win, not limp off in obscurity.

Planning ain't enough

I finally finished the tome of Napoleon's life. What a horrible man! He had absolutely NO moral compass. Any means was employed to achieve his ends: lying, stealing, cheating, murder, and worst of all, the wholesale, callous waste of human life. In his 16 years (1799-1815) as Emperor of France, he was responsible for the deaths of over 1 million of his own soldiers and over 2 million soldiers of those countries who opposed him. That does not include the unknown number of civilians caught in the crossfire--estimated to be in the millions, or the soldiers maimed for life, also estimated to be in the millions. To read the accounts of the needless slaughter is sickening.

Most of the losses occurred after the summer of 1809. But had one Archduke Karl of Austria been able to defeat Napoleon at the Battle of Wagram, perhaps these millions of casualties would have been avoided. Karl's battle plan was brilliant and his forces superior, but in the end, he was defeated by a more committed and fervent Napoleon. Napoleon's biographer summarized: "Had the Austrians had a more confident commander, things might have turned out very differently indeed, for the archduke's basic battle plan was a superb one. But he lacked character and confidence."

As I read that and other statements in the book, I thought about our own battle taking place against an even more evil, malevolent enemy. Our struggle is an epic one; our battle plan is laid out in Holy Writ. We face him with the promise of great power. However, we must not make the mistake of the good Duke: planning is only a part of the battle. Careful execution, steely strength of character, and bold confidence in the Holy One of Israel--are even more important if we are to win the victory.

Souls hang in the balance. Lives can be rescued or destroyed. The possibility of failure is real. That's why Peter writes, "Be on the alert! Your adversary, the Devil, prowls about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. But resist him, standing firm in your faith." (1 Peter 5:8-9) Go to conferences, read books and blogs. Make your plans. But remember, the battle is the Lord's!

Greatness

Every once in awhile, I think maybe we are getting close to being a real New Testament church. One of those moments came yesterday in our first service when we baptized a young man (mid 20's) named Daniel.

We have our candidates do a video to show before the actual baptism. This is how he started it: "My name is Daniel. From the first time I came here, people remembered my name." As soon as Daniel said that, I started weeping uncontrollably sitting there on the front row. Why? He went on to say, "I have a cleft pallet. Because of that, I haven't been able to be very successful in life. I guess people think I'm retarded or something." As he spoke this, you could see the deep pain on his face as his eyes grew moist. I wept even harder.

To be a church where people, no matter their state in life, are known and cared for . . . that's greatness. From Daniel's opening statement, God touched my heart and whispered: "This is what church is all about, Russ!"

The expanded view is this: the God who created the universe with it's trillions of stars (astronomers say a new star is being born somewhere every second!) knows Daniel's name, and he knows mine, and he knows yours. Beyond that, He is infinitely acquainted with our challenges, our despair, our circumstances. To think that He knows us that intimately is beyond my comprehension. I'm left to bask in the warmth of that love with a gratitude that grows each day. Greatness!

Insulate, not isolate

For years I struggled with two competing values. On one side was my desire to be available to my folks; the folks God was bringing to me to shepherd. On the other side was my need to get above the fray and gain vision, energy, and insight to lead the sheep I had and to find more sheep.

I saw guys in other churches, particularly those that were growing, increasingly remove themselves from being accessible to all but a few of their members. I also saw some guys make themselves always available to everyone and their churches, families, and health suffered.

I decided I would insulate, not isolate. The way I did it was to set a time aside when any person, for any reason, can call and get a 30 minute appointment with me. For me, the best time is Wednesday afternoons. From 1:30 until 5:00, any person for any reason can call and get a 3o minute appointment. That's all they get. My assistant steps in at the appointed time and ends the conversation with something like, "Your next appointment is here." Even if I have an opening, it only goes 30 minutes. The person may have to wait 3 weeks before they can get the appointment. If it is urgent, my assistant hands them off to a staff person. If they have to see me, that's too bad: 30 minutes in my next available opening. It's amazing how many 'urgent' requests to see only me end up getting handled (better!) by another staff person.

Even in three services with well over 2,000 folks, I still walk around before and between and after the services just chatting with as many as I can. It's incarnational.

I need to be insulated so I can lead the church. But I shouldn't become isolated--or I can't be a good leader. I'm leading people, not sermons; people, not programs; people, not budgets; people, not buildings; people, not calendars. Great leaders know, and are known by, their folks. Insulate, don't isolate.

I love you but . . .

Years ago I was resistant to hire church members. My experience in previous churches had been that church members come into their positions with a sense of entitlement. My secretary at my previous church had been church secretary for 17 years before I arrived. I couldn't get a whole day's work out of her in the 5 1/2 years I was there! But I couldn't touch her because she was there when I got there and, it was obvious, she was going to be there when I left. She had too much political clout in this small, county seat First Baptist Church. I just had to get by.

When we moved to Arlington, I discovered Rush Creek had a church secretary that had been a member prior to employment. I was hoping it wold be different, but it wasn't. She was surly and not very helpful. But this was no county seat FBC, and I wasn't about to get weighed down with another entitlement attitude. She lasted less than a year.

From then on, I was dead set on hiring outsiders. But I kept noticing God was putting some incredible people in my church that could do incredible work. So I began to hire them as we grew. Through the years, I've hired quite a few; scores, actually.

I interview every person we hire; I'm usually the last one to interview the candidate and for all practical purposes, they're already hired. But I reserve the right to look them in the eye, get a sense of their character, and give the final yes. We are a family; we are a team. And even a part-time custodian or a youth intern is both cherished by God and a valuable team member.

And I ALWAYS have 'the talk' with them. I say, "Listen _______, you are a church member and we think you'll do a great job at ________. But I need to tell you something very important: just because you're a church member and just because I love you, doesn't mean I won't fire you. If you don't continue to take your performance to new levels, or if you become a difficult team member, or if you have a notable lapse in character, I will fire you, do you understand?"

I've had to fire or squeeze out 5-6 of them in the past eight years. But most of them have been the best hires I ever made. Set it out clearly at the beginning--you'll be glad you did.

IDNTIMWYTIM 4 (and final)

I told her on Monday she would need to go to counseling with her husband as a condition of employment. She told me on Tuesday morning she would and she would complete the 13 week course. On Thursday morning she told me she had found employment elsewhere and wanted out of her job.

So, I told her to finish up what she was working on, get with her team to make arrangements for her exit, and then go ahead and leave when she could. She was gone by lunch.

This was the best last chance she had to let God work on her heart and her marriage. She just couldn't or wouldn't do it. We care deeply for her and hurt for her. But now she's chosen a path that will make everything incredibly more difficult. So goes another person and another family devoured by the Adversary. I hate him.

I want to always be a man who follows Jesus--no matter how difficult. Calling yourself a Christ-follower doesn't necessarily mean that you are. For some, I do not think it means what you think it means.

IDNTIMWYTIM Part 3

If you read the first two blogs with this title, you know that I have an individual on my staff who is contemplating leaving her husband. Once she confirmed it to me, I was in a quandary: I knew I couldn't just turn my head and pretend something like this wasn't happening--but I didn't want to just chunk her out on her ear. My goal was to try to do as much as I could to salvage the marriage without damaging our ministry.

I gave her 6 days off (paid) to look for a job. She tried, but it's tough to find a job in this economy. So when she came back this week, I called her in and discovered no job was offered. So I told her that marriage counseling was required for her to keep her job. She didn't want to, but I told her to not make a decision immediately but come back the next morning with an answer. The next morning her answer was "yes," she'd go. But she didn't like being forced into it.

Rarely does counseling work for someone who is forced into it. The odds are long. But I'm hoping and praying that this little glimmer of hope pays off in a salvaged marriage. She has committed to stay in for the 13 week course. I've leveraged my influence as much as I can. The rest is between her and God.

Realignment 2

So how to realign my leadership to maximize our resources on three groups of people: the under-resourced, the overwhelmed, and the far-away. I started thinking about the values we needed to emphasize: glocal (meeting physical needs locally and globally so we can meet spiritual needs), restorative (helping those who are struggling with marriages, addictions, and finances), and contagious (reaching those who are far from God in our everyday lives). We also need to elevate being transformative, lives changed so that genuinely mature believers perform solidly in three areas: taking responsibility for their own spiritual growth, finding their synergistic sweet spot of ministry, and becoming entrepreneurial in their contagion.

I'm going to have to shift responsibilities, put people in unknown waters, and most importantly, place key people in each of the three main circles of influence. Picturing five spheres, the inner sphere is the worship experience: it is the nuclear reactor that powers everything else. The next outer sphere is the transformative sphere where small groups and intensive training prepare people for genuine maturity so that they can resource the outer three spheres that attach to and grow from the transformative sphere. Clear as mud? Well, I'm still working on the communication plan. But it's clear in my heart. So here goes . . .

Realignment

I was in Chicago earlier this month at Willow's Leadership Summit. I love the thing: God speaks to me every time I'm there. Something about getting away, the change in climate and environment. Sometimes God speaks through the conference personalities, sometimes through videos or music. But I'm all ears when I'm there.

This time, the whole time, I kept feeling an overwhelming sense that we weren't getting it done; weren't achieving our potential; weren't accomplishing the mission. A few times I wept and cried out, "God, we're not cutting it and I don't know how to lead us so we can." It's that 'holy dissatisfaction' that leaders get sometimes.

When I got back to Texas, I headed on a 3 day study break (which I do once a month now) to pull together my studying, my research, my praying, my ruminations. And here's what I came up with: God wants Rush Creek to increase its commitment to and influence on three groups of people in the world: the under-resourced, the overwhelmed, and the far-away. As I look at my staff alignment, if we keep doing what we're doing we'll keep getting what we're getting. So I'm rearranging EVERYONE. More later . . .

Saturday nights

I've been doing this for 20+ years: getting myself ready on Saturday night for Sunday morning. For some guys, it may be easy, but for me, it's always been a challenge. I want to make sure I'm ready mentally, emotionally, physically, and of course, spiritually. I rarely take any kind of social engagement on Saturday evening--I like sticking close to home. I power down, read a little, maybe watch something interesting, and always, always, spend at least an hour reviewing and praying over my message.

I realize that God can do what He wants with whatever . . . I just want to make sure I'm as available to Him as I should be. I don't want to miss out on one blessing He wants to grant. It's an odd realization: that He can mend the human heart without me, but chooses to have me participate with Him in the process; that He actually chooses to somehow limit what He does based on my faith, willingness, preparation, and availability. Pretty confusing stuff!

So tomorrow, lots of people will show up with incredibly complex needs and deep wounds. I feel the weight. I realize I can't really help and heal them. I only want to point adequately to the One who can. May it be so.

Overwhelmed

I can't tell you how many times I've hit the wall: a deep, overwhelming sense of being unable to get through the bog; get through the fog; dig out of the pit. There aren't enough metaphors to begin to touch the discouragement I have felt through the years--and feel at this time.

I wrote earlier (3-25-09) that great leaders create chaos. The Genesis Principle of Leadership: first the chaos, then the order; first the night, then the morning. When I get that chaotic urge, I love it--and I hate it. I hate it because when I inflict chaos on myself and the church, the prospect of actually reaching the new level of performance and ministry seems impossible, leaving me to feel inadequate and inept. I love it because I've learned that somehow God eventually brings the new order and the new level and everything is good again. For awhile.

It's at that point of hitting the wall, etc., that leadership from the inside becomes most crucial. It tests who you really are and what you really believe about God and His work. I'll make it through this because I've learned by experience that He is faithful.

Cleaning up the mess

When I was in gradeschool, there was a girl in my homeroom class whose name was Daphne. Apparently Daphne had morning sickness as a 9 or 10 year old. I suspect looking back on it that she was just the nervous type and starting the school day out for her was a fairly traumatic affair. Maybe she had a bad home situation and came to school all torn up. I don't really know--that was 50 years ago and I just know what I saw.

Every morning (almost), after we said the Lord's Prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance, Daphne would throw up her breakfast on the asbestos tiled floor. It was not a pleasant experience for anyone: the sights, the smell, the embarrassment. Every morning (almost) you could hear the janitor wheeling his squeaky-wheeled mop bucket down the hall way about 8:55. He knew what was going to happen so he was ready. He'd just wait outside the door until the Prayer and the Pledge and the Puke were finally finished. And then there was nothing to do but clean up the mess.

In church work there are times when a good leader realizes: there is nothing to do but clean up the mess. I got a letter yesterday from a lady in my church that was very upset about something I said Sunday. I was teaching on parenting and how each child has his/her own 'bent.' I talked about how my three children were different--my youngest being strong-willed and difficult to reason with. I said, "If he had been born in the Middle East, he'd a been a terrorist!" Everyone laughed, or so I thought. Her husband, a Muslim, had only been to a church twice; both occasions were at our church. The first time was Easter, the second (and she feared the last) time was this past Sunday.

So what does a good leader do? I think he/she cleans up the mess. It may not be intentional, but it is a mess nonetheless. So I called her and apologized profusely and tried to explain what I meant or rather what I didn't mean, i.e., that all Middle Easterners (or all Muslims) are terrorists. She accepted my apology and explanation. Beyond that, I offered to come over to their house and ask his forgiveness. I want him to look into my eyes (the windows of the soul) and see my sincerity. She said she'd pray about it.

That's all I can do to clean up the mess. It does no good to get defensive or deflective. Just clean up the mess. It's unpleasant and it stinks. But in the end, that's a part of dealing with sheep. And it's a learning experience to be more careful with how you phrase what you say to bring more people along with you and alienate as few as possible. What a great calling!

80%--really?

There are so many different little truisms that involve 80%. One of the most prominent is the Pareto Principle, that 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. You don't have to pay PMI on your mortgage if you only take a loan for 80% or less of the purchase price. And then, of course, there is the 80-20 Rule band. Not one of my favorites!

In church work, there is a notion out there that you can't average more than 80% capacity of a room over a sustained period of time. This one has been around awhile. The thought is that if a family of five guests walks in, where are they going to find a place to sit together without walking all the way down front or sitting in the wings somewhere or crawling over 8 pairs of legs that won't move. If getting a seat is uncomfortable or difficult, they probably won't come back. You want to make sure that those with the least commitment have the easiest time finding parking and seating.

I'm wondering if it hasn't changed; if it really should be 60-75%. If it has changed, that makes a considerable difference on how you do your planning for growth. We went to three services on March 29th because we were over the 80% mark in our 11:00 service most Sundays. So when we opened up another time, we added another 500+ folks! Out of the clear blue!! Now we are at 45-50% in the 1st, 75% in the 2nd, and 65% in the 3rd--and it's summer! Instead of trying to get us up to the 80% mark before we plan a new service, we're going to do it sooner. Maybe 70%.

It's challenging. But I like the challenge. The biggest challenge always is getting those who have been around the longest and (hopefully) have the highest amount of commitment to make the most sacrifice so that those who are new and have lowest commitment feel welcomed and provided for. Think about it.

Religious Swine Flu

I was reading this morning in Matthew 8 were Jesus came upon the 2 demon-possessed guys in the Gadarene district. You know the story: the demons immediately recognized His divinity and begged to be sent to a nearby herd of pigs. Mysteriously, Jesus consented and the demon-possessed pigs ran down the hillside and drowned in the Sea of Galilee.

Interestingly, the townspeople came out and asked Jesus to keep movin' on. On the scale of requests they could have made of the Son of Man (healing, wholeness, forgiveness, mercy), they chose the least miraculous and the most natural. They didn't want anything to happen out of the ordinary, even if it was to benefit themselves and others.

It is AMAZING how much church folk are like the Gadarenes. So many want the calm of status quo, even if it means Jesus keeps movin' on. A colleague of mine who is transitioning his church had a very religious member come in and chew his butt for 30 minutes about all the changes that were taking place and how it just wasn't the same anymore. My friend said, "OK, but what about the lives that are being changed, the people being reached, the souls being saved, the marriages being put back together?", filling in with details and facts and numbers. The guy said, "I don't care about that--you've changed my church!"

Nothing is more disappointing to me than when so-called believers take and hold on to the attitude of the Gadarenes: they'd rather Jesus keep on movin' somewhere else so that their lives and church can get back to normal; the way THEY like it. This is a swine flu that is epidemic in the American church. Church leadership that tries to overcome this influenza is in for a tough fight. Frankly, few will survive because this attitude is so entrenched. God help us!

Unzipped pants

We are in the middle of a series on the family entitled, "Family Feuds." Yesterday's message was, "Who's the Boss?". It was a message on gaining and maintaining the biblical order for a family: God -> Parents -> Children. We sold more CDs after the services than on any other message we've done in a long, long time.

So anyway, in the first of three worship services, I was telling the story of being in Barnes and Nobles Friday night with my wife and watching as two children, about ages 4 & 7, run up and down the aisles of the store laughing and screaming and yelling. I wondered at the time, "Where are the parents?" Then I discovered them on the organic foods aisle totally impervious to the fact that their kids were ruining the experience for everyone else.

As I'm telling the story to my congregation, I said: "I wanted to give those parents a gift," and then I reached down, pulled up my untucked shirttail and started to undo my belt--implying the parents needed to use the belt on the kids. Everyone laughed and I moved on.

After the service, a guy who was sitting on the 2nd row came into our guest welcoming room (The Next Step Room) and said, "I'm pretty sure your pants were unzipped." I looked down, and sure enough, they were unzipped! I died!!! And I'm left to ponder, "Who else noticed that my pants were unzipped?" No one else has mentioned it so I'm hoping he was the only one.

Isn't leadership a scream? You work so hard at getting your act together, to present yourself as a respectable, trustworthy person that others can feel confident in following--and then you discover your pants are unzipped. Or that you miscalculated the cost on something. Or overestimated the support you thought you had for a new direction and vision. You look down, and your pants are unzipped. And you are faced once again with the fact that you're just not quite together as you thought you were; and certainly not together as others think you are!

Don't ever forget that God uses fragile, and even cracked, clay jars to do His glorious work. The attention should not be on the vessel, but on what comes out of the vessel; not on the tool, but on the Hands that use the tool. So when your pants are unzipped for all to see, laugh--and be grateful to God that He still uses you.

The Bonaparte Flaw

I'm reading a big honkin' biography on Napoleon Bonaparte; like 936 pages! If ever there was somebody who tasted too much success too quickly, it was Bonaparte. By age 28 he was leading the French Army to victory as a general in Northern Italy and then by his 30th year in Egypt.

He was a masterful tactician, always placing his armies in the best possible position to win a battle. However, his weak strategic planning, coupled with his over-inflated ego, continually placed him and his army in unsustainable situations. Reading his biography, it's obvious that he saw people only as stepping stones to his own greatness. People acted like they liked him, but behind the scenes he was despised by almost all who knew him.

What I notice about many younger pastors who taste success early is this 'Bonaparte flaw.' The times I'm around some of them there is a noticeable lack of genuine humility. They come across as if they've got it all figured out; that their success is a function of their insight, their leadership, their personality. I always wonder to myself: "Where will they be 25 years from now? Is how they view themselves and how they lead their churches sustainable for the long run?"

At 31 Napoleon led a coup and became Ruler of the French Empire. Of course, such an accomplishment was not enough to satisfy his appetite for fame and glory. His insatiable appetite for more eventually cost him everything.

Pastors have been granted such an incredible opportunity to influence. When we influence people for our own purposes, it's not sustainable--God will see to that. Make decisions that are sustainable for the long haul. See individuals as objects of God's love--not as persons who can help you get what you want . . . even if you think what you want is what God wants. Don't let the 'Bonaparte Flaw' short-circuit your ministry and future.

Forget Community

A couple of weeks ago we had a guy in to be our closer at our small group training session. He had some associations with staff at a couple of the mega-mega churches. This guy told me that these two churches are essentially giving up on small groups. He was talking to one of the staff about small groups and the mega-mega guy said, "You still doing that stuff?", like, "That's so yesteryear!"

Nothing is more difficult these days than to get folks to give up an evening every week to build community. With the schedule people keep, finding time in between ball games and band concerts and you name it--is an increasingly difficult challenge. But worth it.

The paradox is that people crave intimacy, but they resist doing the stuff that actually fosters it. They have so many small 'doses' of community supplied by their hectic lifestyle, that they don't always feel the need for biblical community.

But biblical community is worth whatever cost it takes to achieve it. I can't ignore the need I have to find support, encouragement, and accountability from other Christ-followers. I can't forget that the concept of community begins with the Triune God. So we're going to keep at it.

IDNTIMWYTIM Part 2

One of my support staff has decided she is leaving her husband. We have divorced individuals on our staff, so I don't have a problem with people having suffered a divorce in their past. If her husband had abused her physically or if he had had an affair, I wouldn't have been on the horns of the dilemma I mentioned yesterday. If he was filing on her, we would support her completely. But her leaving him; her filing on him. That's tough.

My wife and I care deeply for this woman. She's been a member of our church for almost 15 years--almost as long as we have been. She has been on our staff for almost 5 years. If I terminate her, she has no job and no income. I've been waiting a couple of months to see if she was going to allow God to get back into the middle of the marriage. But no. So I called her in, asked her point blank, "Are you planning on divorcing him?" She said, "Yes." I said, "I want you to go to counseling, the both of you." She said essentially, "Won't do any good." I said, "Well, this leaves me in quite a predicament." Eventually, I arrived at this plan: I gave her a week off (paid) to search for a job. Then I'll have to terminate her. However, if at the end of the week she has no job, I'll keep her on for a period if she'll go to counseling with her husband. My hope and prayer would be that after the reality of not having a job hits her, she'll be more open to going to counseling--and maybe, just maybe, God will do a miracle for them.

I'm sick and tired of people who call themselves 'Christ-followers' making decisions that Jesus would never make or lead them to make. There's a breakdown here. For so many, when they say they are Christ-followers: "I do not think it means what you think it does!"

I do not think it means what you think it means

It's a wacky world. In the past four weeks, four women in my church have walked out on their marriages. I don't get it. Their husbands weren't perfect--no one is. But these guys love their wives. To a man, they are loyal, loving, serving--did I say I don't get it?

Maybe it's just me, but it feels like a new phenomenon. Used to, it was guys walking out on their wives. Usually the reason was they found somebody that was younger, or to their eye, looked better. It just wasn't all that unusual for the guy to have the affair; the guy to get itchy feet.

One of the four women told me she just wanted her freedom. One just got tired of her husband's imperfections. One just lost some weight, got her teeth straightened, and thought she'd test the waters. One had an affair with a guy on a business trip and decided that was the way to go. These are all Christ-followers, or so they say. As Inigo Montoya says to Vizzini in The Princess Bride, "I do not think it means what you think it means." Being a Christ-follower is a path to walk, not a title to claim.

One of the four is on my staff. She says there is no one else; she's just tired of being married to the guy. I struggled with what to do: if I terminated her, I've put her out on her ear; if I didn't terminate her, I've let her pursue and path of sin--and paid her for it.

What to do? More tomorrow!

Irritable church folk

There is a guy in my church who is not happy with one of my staff members.   It doesn't happen all that often--if you've got good staff members.  He's written my staff guy two emails and copied me on both of them. He doesn't feel his student is being take care of properly.  Both of the emails were caustic, negative, and demanding . . . you know, the kind that if they said that to your face you'd punch 'em in the nose!  But because they can hide behind the distance of an email, they take their cheap shots.

I don't like getting involved supervising a staff member who is not one of my direct reports.  I prefer to let the supervisor handle it.  I have a three-pronged strategy: 1) Ignore, assuming the staff member will handle it properly; 2) If the issue is not resolved, ask the staff member and supervisor what the status is; 3) Get involved in the solution.  So, I ignored the first one.  After the second email I sent an email to my staff guy and his supervisor asking, "What's the status on this?  Do you need my help?"  I want to make sure my words to my staff don't assume they haven't dealt with it.  I also want to offer my help: sometimes staff feel unequipped to deal with these kinds of situations.  I never, never want my staff to feel like I'm not supporting them.  I back them publicly and then deal with them privately.

My staff person just emailed me 5 minutes ago and told me he had in fact emailed this guy & had tried to call him.  If I had expressed doubt earlier that he was responding properly, damage in the relationship would have resulted.  I gave him two options:  1) copy the guy (and me) all the emails, asserting he had responded, and then call him and try to get a face-to-face with him; 2) Just call him and try to get a face-to-face. I suggested he could do it solo or with his supervisor.  At writing, not sure which he will do. At this point, I have no intention of responding directly to the congregant.  

Irritable church folk can be land mines: handle them and your staff carefully.  Don't slug the member in the nose and don't cut your staff off at the legs!  A measured response is best.

leadership chaos

One of the most important tasks of a leader is to create chaos.  I know--that sounds funny.  But great leaders create chaos. Martin Luther created a lot of chaos.  Abe Lincoln created a lot of chaos.  Martin Luther King, Jr. created a lot of chaos.   Rick Warren and Bill Hybels created a lot of chaos.  In the creation account, notice that God created the chaos first.  Then from the chaos, He brought order.

Great leaders create chaos and then from the chaos bring a new order; a new way of doing things.  I was reminded of this principle recently as we were preparing to go into our third worship service.  Things were going so well.  We were growing.  All of our ministry positions were filled.  All of our systems were functioning well.  But I had a growing sense that we needed to shake things up--to create some chaos.  So that's what we're doing.  Beginning a third worship service on Sunday morning with quick turn-around times will definitely be chaotic.  I'm sure there will be some grumbling and complaining from a few who liked the old order.  But eventually, if I'm a good leader and God grants me favor, the new chaos will become the new order.  And for awhile, I'll be content with it . . . for awhile!

Bad leaders don't create chaos.  Bad leaders only create chaos.  Good leaders do both.  Chaos first, order second.  In the creation account, night was first, then the day.  Leading from the inside out begins with an inner turmoil, born out of a desire to do the best, be the best for God.  Be a great leader--go create some chaos!

First blog

I've been leading people for almost 40 years.  Along the way I've learned a ton--more from my mistakes and failures than from my successes.  'Inside the Office' is going to be a view of leadership from my position as someone who has led in four great churches and still is passionate about leading and learning to lead better.  

My best leadership lessons come from difficult circumstances.  Anyone can lead when the sea is calm or the path is clear.  When you're faced with a decision that you assess is 70-30 (you're 70% sure you know the best choice), those are pretty easy to make for any good leader.  The tough decisions are those when your best assessment is 51-49, and great leaders make those decisions successfully most of the time.  And when they are wrong, they know how to recover.

Hope you're learning all you can about leadership--it's the key to a great future!