A Tony Romo Day

I've found a new phrase that describes something that happens in my life and ministry. I named it after the quarterback of my favorite pro football team. I've been a fan of the Cowboys since I was in junior high--that's a long time!

Sunday was one of those days that comes along every once in awhile. I woke up feeling, I don't know--disconnected. Just didn't feel or sense God's presence and power that morning. There wasn't any reason I could identify. I prayed that despite my feelings, God would anoint me and His word and message. But still, I felt kind of disconnected.

Then in the first service, my mic was not right and I got distracted and forgot what I was saying. I ended up just stopping my message and asking the guys in the back to do what they could while I just chatted with the folks. Finally they got it to the acceptable range and off I went again--but, I just didn't feel like I was connecting.

In the second service, the sound was better but somebody's head was filled with snot and they kept blowing their nose so loud it sounded like an impatient driver on the freeway honking his brains out. I struggled there too.

In the third service, somebody's phone went off. The ring tone was a baby crying--a baby crying! They didn't turn it off. Finally I said, "Is that a baby or a phone?" Nobody moved. I lost my place again. It was horrible.

I didn't feel like I did a very good job. Our attendance was off what I expected by about 10-15%. Not very many people went to the prayer room for prayer afterwards. Very few came to the Next Step room to meet me afterwards. I was on Suicide Watch the rest of the day. A few things happened that afternoon to make it worse.

And then I watched the Cowboys get beat by the New York Giants. Tony Romo, the quarterback had some great moments and some not-so-great moments and the latter cost them the game. That's when I thought, "You know, everybody struggles with consistency. Can't have your A-game all the time."

I had a Tony Romo day, Sunday. But God was good. He reminded me the next morning that He was still on the throne; that His word does accomplishes what He sends it out to do; that some of His best work is done in the secret places. So, here I go again. My hope is in God!

Coaching

Growing up, I never really had very good coaches. I didn't get the help I need to improve my game in any of my sports. Didn't really have any memorable teachers either. Maybe it was because I didn't have much to work with and they didn't want to waste their time!!

When I stepped into leadership positions as an adult, I learned by watching. I watched what I thought were good leaders and tried to emulate them. I watched what I thought were bad leaders and probably learned more. Through these 40 years, I wish I had had a coach, someone who could listen to my situation, my leadership challenge, and then help me find the best solution. It would have saved me a BUNCH of heartache. Some of it is unavoidable, but much of it can be avoided if you have someone helping you who has been down the path before.

I'm a part of a start-up coaching network put together by Lamar Slay and Partners in Church Consulting. I'm really excited about it and encourage you to check it out at www.pcccoachingnetwork.com The leaders that are a part of this network are phenomenal and can help immeasurably. Like Rick Warren says, "You can learn from your mistakes, or you can learn from someone else's mistakes!" Wisdom chooses the latter.

Ministry Fatigue 4

As I write this, I am sitting in a beautiful lake house on a private lake in North Texas. The sunset last night was to kill for. This morning is cool and misty. I'm re-reading four books that I have read the last two years to do kind of a 'reconnoitering' of where we are relative to where we need to be as a church. It's a critical process every leader must go through often; it takes time, reflection, meditation, and prayer in large, uninterrupted portions. If I was back in Arlington in my office, this would not be happening.

I haven't always had these kinds of digs to do my get-aways. When I got started on this, I would head to a Starbucks in another community and hang out all day. When I wanted an overnight experience, I'd go to a hotel in another community. I began to network my way into places owned by friends, acquaintances, or church members that were nice and secluded. I stop at a grocery store on the way, get some peanut butter and jelly and turkey and chips and diet cokes and head out. These study breaks have generally been pretty inexpensive to do.

When I began these soul-enriching getaways, I did them once a quarter. Put it on my schedule and do it. They were just a day at first, expanding out to three days. When we went to three services this spring, I scheduled one EVERY month for three days. I read, I work on messages, I relax. I divide the day up into thirds: morning, afternoon, evening. Typically I read 1/3 of the day, work on church stuff 1/3 of the day, and relax/play 1/3 of the day.

At the Leadership Summit this year, David Gergen related how in the days before the U.S. entered WW2, President Roosevelt and his advisers were trying to figure out how to get involved without declaring war. Out of no where, Roosevelt declared it was time to go fishing. His aides were aghast: with such critical issues to be resolved, what in the world was the President thinking about? But it was while he was deep sea fishing that week, that Roosevelt came up with what is now known as "Lend-Lease." Sometimes our best creativity comes in the most unstructured times.

Do this. Explain the need to key leaders. Start slow. Discover what rests, feeds, and energizes your soul--and do it! You, your family, your church--the very Kingdom, will benefit.

Ministry Fatigue 3

After I passed out that Sunday on stage, I began to grab hold of my schedule. At that time, I was meeting with leaders or others 3-5 times a week for breakfast. It was the best time to meet with them before they headed off to work. It kept my evenings clearer than if I didn't.

But those meetings were draining my soul in ways that were subtle, but dangerous. My time with the Lord each morning seemed rushed because I needed to be out the door at a certain time. My exercise regimen was inconsistent because I wanted to make sure I was getting at least some time with God. When I tried to get up early enough to get it all in before my appointment, I dragged around all day because of lack of sleep. If I tried to go work out after the appointment, it just wasn't a good workout. Plus, I felt like I needed to be first or nearly first into the office.

I decided the week after the collapse (breakdown) that I wouldn't set up any more early appointments. I would start my day off unhurried with the Lord and adequately exercise His temple. It did (and occasionally does) hack some people off who want to meet with me early, but that's just the way it has to be. If I'm depleted and drained, I'm no good to nobody--even God!

I also decided to move my study day to Tuesday and to do it at home. Wife and kids gone, no interruptions from staff and others. I was able to get my message completely finished and to my assistant for production issues in the worship folder and the powerpoint slides. Some folks didn't like that either, but that's just the way it had to be. My stress level would compound dramatically the later in the week I was working on my message. So insulating myself for the day was a huge step in reducing my stress. It also made for better messages! My assistant knew how to get me if I was really needed. Funny thing--take yourself out of the center of everything and see how well things go without you! And that's a good thing!!!

I also started planning some 'study breaks' into my schedule. More later.

Ministry Fatigue 2

Ministry fatigue: why does it happen? Well, there are lots of reasons, but a few of the key ones are:

1. The high calling of Christ Jesus. He has called us to give up our lives for Him. Paul talks about being a drink offering poured out for the Lord. It is a privilege to be used up for the Lord. So this great and worthy purpose compels us to press on to the mark--and we get fatigued.

2. We're human. It's always been interesting to me to think about the human side of our Lord Jesus. Fully divine, yes; but also fully human. He grew thirsty, tired, and hungry in John 4. He was so tired after preaching and ministering that He slept in the bottom of the boat during a raging storm in Mark 4. The human side of Jesus had limitations. So do we.

3. Insecurities. Truth be known, we over-extend ourselves because we have something to prove: that we're not lazy, that we earn our wage, that we are needed, that we're worthy of the position.

This last reason of course is why ministry fatigue moves from brownout into burnout or even breakdown. We don't let ourselves observe Sabbath, not because our folks won't let us, but because we won't let us. We fool ourselves into thinking that the task is too great, the time too short, the calling too strong--when really, down deep, it's because our insecurities are too profound. Until you come to grips with this: you'll always be living in the unhealthy, and I'd say even ungodly realm of extreme ministry fatigue. Past just being tired. Past even brownout, which happens in the normal flow of ministry. Experiencing burnout or breakdown is not about our calling; it's about our pride. Believe me, I know personally and have seen it countless times in others.

The result is a loss of zeal for ministry, or quitting all together. Breakdowns emotionally, particularly in the area of chronic anxiety. Physical breakdowns as your body craters under the pressure (heart, weight gain/loss, cancer, joints, back). And then the relationship breakdowns are the most tragic: marriages crumbling, kids rebelling, families dysfunctional.

This is sin. Confess it and ask God to give you His perspective. And then change your schedule and lifestyle. I'll share what I've done next.

Ministry Fatigue

Today I was at lunch with a group of pastors and the topic turned to burnout. Now that's a subject I know a lot about! I've struggled through the years trying to find the balance between working hard and working smart; between pushing the ball up the court and passing out on the bench.

In 2000, I was passed out on the stage because I had pushed myself too far. I began to analyze my work pattern, my insecurities, and my long-term goals. I've watched and learned and listened through the years.

I think typically there is a continuum that pastors move along relative to ministry fatigue. First there is brownout. Then there is burnout. Then there is breakdown. When I was laying on the stage, that was breakdown. Some people (including my wife) thought I was just playing around; that it was a part of my message! When folks picked me up and carried me to the office, I knew I had to do something different. I've been on a quest since then to make sure that I run hard, but finish well.

I'll talk about what I've learned on the subject for the next few blogs. First from the prognosis side, then the diagnosis side, then from the prescriptive side. "All who run in the race, run to win." 1 Corinthians 9:24 I want to run in such a way as to win, not limp off in obscurity.

Planning ain't enough

I finally finished the tome of Napoleon's life. What a horrible man! He had absolutely NO moral compass. Any means was employed to achieve his ends: lying, stealing, cheating, murder, and worst of all, the wholesale, callous waste of human life. In his 16 years (1799-1815) as Emperor of France, he was responsible for the deaths of over 1 million of his own soldiers and over 2 million soldiers of those countries who opposed him. That does not include the unknown number of civilians caught in the crossfire--estimated to be in the millions, or the soldiers maimed for life, also estimated to be in the millions. To read the accounts of the needless slaughter is sickening.

Most of the losses occurred after the summer of 1809. But had one Archduke Karl of Austria been able to defeat Napoleon at the Battle of Wagram, perhaps these millions of casualties would have been avoided. Karl's battle plan was brilliant and his forces superior, but in the end, he was defeated by a more committed and fervent Napoleon. Napoleon's biographer summarized: "Had the Austrians had a more confident commander, things might have turned out very differently indeed, for the archduke's basic battle plan was a superb one. But he lacked character and confidence."

As I read that and other statements in the book, I thought about our own battle taking place against an even more evil, malevolent enemy. Our struggle is an epic one; our battle plan is laid out in Holy Writ. We face him with the promise of great power. However, we must not make the mistake of the good Duke: planning is only a part of the battle. Careful execution, steely strength of character, and bold confidence in the Holy One of Israel--are even more important if we are to win the victory.

Souls hang in the balance. Lives can be rescued or destroyed. The possibility of failure is real. That's why Peter writes, "Be on the alert! Your adversary, the Devil, prowls about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. But resist him, standing firm in your faith." (1 Peter 5:8-9) Go to conferences, read books and blogs. Make your plans. But remember, the battle is the Lord's!

Greatness

Every once in awhile, I think maybe we are getting close to being a real New Testament church. One of those moments came yesterday in our first service when we baptized a young man (mid 20's) named Daniel.

We have our candidates do a video to show before the actual baptism. This is how he started it: "My name is Daniel. From the first time I came here, people remembered my name." As soon as Daniel said that, I started weeping uncontrollably sitting there on the front row. Why? He went on to say, "I have a cleft pallet. Because of that, I haven't been able to be very successful in life. I guess people think I'm retarded or something." As he spoke this, you could see the deep pain on his face as his eyes grew moist. I wept even harder.

To be a church where people, no matter their state in life, are known and cared for . . . that's greatness. From Daniel's opening statement, God touched my heart and whispered: "This is what church is all about, Russ!"

The expanded view is this: the God who created the universe with it's trillions of stars (astronomers say a new star is being born somewhere every second!) knows Daniel's name, and he knows mine, and he knows yours. Beyond that, He is infinitely acquainted with our challenges, our despair, our circumstances. To think that He knows us that intimately is beyond my comprehension. I'm left to bask in the warmth of that love with a gratitude that grows each day. Greatness!

Insulate, not isolate

For years I struggled with two competing values. On one side was my desire to be available to my folks; the folks God was bringing to me to shepherd. On the other side was my need to get above the fray and gain vision, energy, and insight to lead the sheep I had and to find more sheep.

I saw guys in other churches, particularly those that were growing, increasingly remove themselves from being accessible to all but a few of their members. I also saw some guys make themselves always available to everyone and their churches, families, and health suffered.

I decided I would insulate, not isolate. The way I did it was to set a time aside when any person, for any reason, can call and get a 30 minute appointment with me. For me, the best time is Wednesday afternoons. From 1:30 until 5:00, any person for any reason can call and get a 3o minute appointment. That's all they get. My assistant steps in at the appointed time and ends the conversation with something like, "Your next appointment is here." Even if I have an opening, it only goes 30 minutes. The person may have to wait 3 weeks before they can get the appointment. If it is urgent, my assistant hands them off to a staff person. If they have to see me, that's too bad: 30 minutes in my next available opening. It's amazing how many 'urgent' requests to see only me end up getting handled (better!) by another staff person.

Even in three services with well over 2,000 folks, I still walk around before and between and after the services just chatting with as many as I can. It's incarnational.

I need to be insulated so I can lead the church. But I shouldn't become isolated--or I can't be a good leader. I'm leading people, not sermons; people, not programs; people, not budgets; people, not buildings; people, not calendars. Great leaders know, and are known by, their folks. Insulate, don't isolate.

I love you but . . .

Years ago I was resistant to hire church members. My experience in previous churches had been that church members come into their positions with a sense of entitlement. My secretary at my previous church had been church secretary for 17 years before I arrived. I couldn't get a whole day's work out of her in the 5 1/2 years I was there! But I couldn't touch her because she was there when I got there and, it was obvious, she was going to be there when I left. She had too much political clout in this small, county seat First Baptist Church. I just had to get by.

When we moved to Arlington, I discovered Rush Creek had a church secretary that had been a member prior to employment. I was hoping it wold be different, but it wasn't. She was surly and not very helpful. But this was no county seat FBC, and I wasn't about to get weighed down with another entitlement attitude. She lasted less than a year.

From then on, I was dead set on hiring outsiders. But I kept noticing God was putting some incredible people in my church that could do incredible work. So I began to hire them as we grew. Through the years, I've hired quite a few; scores, actually.

I interview every person we hire; I'm usually the last one to interview the candidate and for all practical purposes, they're already hired. But I reserve the right to look them in the eye, get a sense of their character, and give the final yes. We are a family; we are a team. And even a part-time custodian or a youth intern is both cherished by God and a valuable team member.

And I ALWAYS have 'the talk' with them. I say, "Listen _______, you are a church member and we think you'll do a great job at ________. But I need to tell you something very important: just because you're a church member and just because I love you, doesn't mean I won't fire you. If you don't continue to take your performance to new levels, or if you become a difficult team member, or if you have a notable lapse in character, I will fire you, do you understand?"

I've had to fire or squeeze out 5-6 of them in the past eight years. But most of them have been the best hires I ever made. Set it out clearly at the beginning--you'll be glad you did.