Overwhelmed

I can't tell you how many times I've hit the wall: a deep, overwhelming sense of being unable to get through the bog; get through the fog; dig out of the pit. There aren't enough metaphors to begin to touch the discouragement I have felt through the years--and feel at this time.

I wrote earlier (3-25-09) that great leaders create chaos. The Genesis Principle of Leadership: first the chaos, then the order; first the night, then the morning. When I get that chaotic urge, I love it--and I hate it. I hate it because when I inflict chaos on myself and the church, the prospect of actually reaching the new level of performance and ministry seems impossible, leaving me to feel inadequate and inept. I love it because I've learned that somehow God eventually brings the new order and the new level and everything is good again. For awhile.

It's at that point of hitting the wall, etc., that leadership from the inside becomes most crucial. It tests who you really are and what you really believe about God and His work. I'll make it through this because I've learned by experience that He is faithful.