IDNTIMWYTIM 4 (and final)

I told her on Monday she would need to go to counseling with her husband as a condition of employment. She told me on Tuesday morning she would and she would complete the 13 week course. On Thursday morning she told me she had found employment elsewhere and wanted out of her job.

So, I told her to finish up what she was working on, get with her team to make arrangements for her exit, and then go ahead and leave when she could. She was gone by lunch.

This was the best last chance she had to let God work on her heart and her marriage. She just couldn't or wouldn't do it. We care deeply for her and hurt for her. But now she's chosen a path that will make everything incredibly more difficult. So goes another person and another family devoured by the Adversary. I hate him.

I want to always be a man who follows Jesus--no matter how difficult. Calling yourself a Christ-follower doesn't necessarily mean that you are. For some, I do not think it means what you think it means.

IDNTIMWYTIM Part 3

If you read the first two blogs with this title, you know that I have an individual on my staff who is contemplating leaving her husband. Once she confirmed it to me, I was in a quandary: I knew I couldn't just turn my head and pretend something like this wasn't happening--but I didn't want to just chunk her out on her ear. My goal was to try to do as much as I could to salvage the marriage without damaging our ministry.

I gave her 6 days off (paid) to look for a job. She tried, but it's tough to find a job in this economy. So when she came back this week, I called her in and discovered no job was offered. So I told her that marriage counseling was required for her to keep her job. She didn't want to, but I told her to not make a decision immediately but come back the next morning with an answer. The next morning her answer was "yes," she'd go. But she didn't like being forced into it.

Rarely does counseling work for someone who is forced into it. The odds are long. But I'm hoping and praying that this little glimmer of hope pays off in a salvaged marriage. She has committed to stay in for the 13 week course. I've leveraged my influence as much as I can. The rest is between her and God.

Realignment 2

So how to realign my leadership to maximize our resources on three groups of people: the under-resourced, the overwhelmed, and the far-away. I started thinking about the values we needed to emphasize: glocal (meeting physical needs locally and globally so we can meet spiritual needs), restorative (helping those who are struggling with marriages, addictions, and finances), and contagious (reaching those who are far from God in our everyday lives). We also need to elevate being transformative, lives changed so that genuinely mature believers perform solidly in three areas: taking responsibility for their own spiritual growth, finding their synergistic sweet spot of ministry, and becoming entrepreneurial in their contagion.

I'm going to have to shift responsibilities, put people in unknown waters, and most importantly, place key people in each of the three main circles of influence. Picturing five spheres, the inner sphere is the worship experience: it is the nuclear reactor that powers everything else. The next outer sphere is the transformative sphere where small groups and intensive training prepare people for genuine maturity so that they can resource the outer three spheres that attach to and grow from the transformative sphere. Clear as mud? Well, I'm still working on the communication plan. But it's clear in my heart. So here goes . . .

Realignment

I was in Chicago earlier this month at Willow's Leadership Summit. I love the thing: God speaks to me every time I'm there. Something about getting away, the change in climate and environment. Sometimes God speaks through the conference personalities, sometimes through videos or music. But I'm all ears when I'm there.

This time, the whole time, I kept feeling an overwhelming sense that we weren't getting it done; weren't achieving our potential; weren't accomplishing the mission. A few times I wept and cried out, "God, we're not cutting it and I don't know how to lead us so we can." It's that 'holy dissatisfaction' that leaders get sometimes.

When I got back to Texas, I headed on a 3 day study break (which I do once a month now) to pull together my studying, my research, my praying, my ruminations. And here's what I came up with: God wants Rush Creek to increase its commitment to and influence on three groups of people in the world: the under-resourced, the overwhelmed, and the far-away. As I look at my staff alignment, if we keep doing what we're doing we'll keep getting what we're getting. So I'm rearranging EVERYONE. More later . . .

Saturday nights

I've been doing this for 20+ years: getting myself ready on Saturday night for Sunday morning. For some guys, it may be easy, but for me, it's always been a challenge. I want to make sure I'm ready mentally, emotionally, physically, and of course, spiritually. I rarely take any kind of social engagement on Saturday evening--I like sticking close to home. I power down, read a little, maybe watch something interesting, and always, always, spend at least an hour reviewing and praying over my message.

I realize that God can do what He wants with whatever . . . I just want to make sure I'm as available to Him as I should be. I don't want to miss out on one blessing He wants to grant. It's an odd realization: that He can mend the human heart without me, but chooses to have me participate with Him in the process; that He actually chooses to somehow limit what He does based on my faith, willingness, preparation, and availability. Pretty confusing stuff!

So tomorrow, lots of people will show up with incredibly complex needs and deep wounds. I feel the weight. I realize I can't really help and heal them. I only want to point adequately to the One who can. May it be so.

Overwhelmed

I can't tell you how many times I've hit the wall: a deep, overwhelming sense of being unable to get through the bog; get through the fog; dig out of the pit. There aren't enough metaphors to begin to touch the discouragement I have felt through the years--and feel at this time.

I wrote earlier (3-25-09) that great leaders create chaos. The Genesis Principle of Leadership: first the chaos, then the order; first the night, then the morning. When I get that chaotic urge, I love it--and I hate it. I hate it because when I inflict chaos on myself and the church, the prospect of actually reaching the new level of performance and ministry seems impossible, leaving me to feel inadequate and inept. I love it because I've learned that somehow God eventually brings the new order and the new level and everything is good again. For awhile.

It's at that point of hitting the wall, etc., that leadership from the inside becomes most crucial. It tests who you really are and what you really believe about God and His work. I'll make it through this because I've learned by experience that He is faithful.

Cleaning up the mess

When I was in gradeschool, there was a girl in my homeroom class whose name was Daphne. Apparently Daphne had morning sickness as a 9 or 10 year old. I suspect looking back on it that she was just the nervous type and starting the school day out for her was a fairly traumatic affair. Maybe she had a bad home situation and came to school all torn up. I don't really know--that was 50 years ago and I just know what I saw.

Every morning (almost), after we said the Lord's Prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance, Daphne would throw up her breakfast on the asbestos tiled floor. It was not a pleasant experience for anyone: the sights, the smell, the embarrassment. Every morning (almost) you could hear the janitor wheeling his squeaky-wheeled mop bucket down the hall way about 8:55. He knew what was going to happen so he was ready. He'd just wait outside the door until the Prayer and the Pledge and the Puke were finally finished. And then there was nothing to do but clean up the mess.

In church work there are times when a good leader realizes: there is nothing to do but clean up the mess. I got a letter yesterday from a lady in my church that was very upset about something I said Sunday. I was teaching on parenting and how each child has his/her own 'bent.' I talked about how my three children were different--my youngest being strong-willed and difficult to reason with. I said, "If he had been born in the Middle East, he'd a been a terrorist!" Everyone laughed, or so I thought. Her husband, a Muslim, had only been to a church twice; both occasions were at our church. The first time was Easter, the second (and she feared the last) time was this past Sunday.

So what does a good leader do? I think he/she cleans up the mess. It may not be intentional, but it is a mess nonetheless. So I called her and apologized profusely and tried to explain what I meant or rather what I didn't mean, i.e., that all Middle Easterners (or all Muslims) are terrorists. She accepted my apology and explanation. Beyond that, I offered to come over to their house and ask his forgiveness. I want him to look into my eyes (the windows of the soul) and see my sincerity. She said she'd pray about it.

That's all I can do to clean up the mess. It does no good to get defensive or deflective. Just clean up the mess. It's unpleasant and it stinks. But in the end, that's a part of dealing with sheep. And it's a learning experience to be more careful with how you phrase what you say to bring more people along with you and alienate as few as possible. What a great calling!

80%--really?

There are so many different little truisms that involve 80%. One of the most prominent is the Pareto Principle, that 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. You don't have to pay PMI on your mortgage if you only take a loan for 80% or less of the purchase price. And then, of course, there is the 80-20 Rule band. Not one of my favorites!

In church work, there is a notion out there that you can't average more than 80% capacity of a room over a sustained period of time. This one has been around awhile. The thought is that if a family of five guests walks in, where are they going to find a place to sit together without walking all the way down front or sitting in the wings somewhere or crawling over 8 pairs of legs that won't move. If getting a seat is uncomfortable or difficult, they probably won't come back. You want to make sure that those with the least commitment have the easiest time finding parking and seating.

I'm wondering if it hasn't changed; if it really should be 60-75%. If it has changed, that makes a considerable difference on how you do your planning for growth. We went to three services on March 29th because we were over the 80% mark in our 11:00 service most Sundays. So when we opened up another time, we added another 500+ folks! Out of the clear blue!! Now we are at 45-50% in the 1st, 75% in the 2nd, and 65% in the 3rd--and it's summer! Instead of trying to get us up to the 80% mark before we plan a new service, we're going to do it sooner. Maybe 70%.

It's challenging. But I like the challenge. The biggest challenge always is getting those who have been around the longest and (hopefully) have the highest amount of commitment to make the most sacrifice so that those who are new and have lowest commitment feel welcomed and provided for. Think about it.

Religious Swine Flu

I was reading this morning in Matthew 8 were Jesus came upon the 2 demon-possessed guys in the Gadarene district. You know the story: the demons immediately recognized His divinity and begged to be sent to a nearby herd of pigs. Mysteriously, Jesus consented and the demon-possessed pigs ran down the hillside and drowned in the Sea of Galilee.

Interestingly, the townspeople came out and asked Jesus to keep movin' on. On the scale of requests they could have made of the Son of Man (healing, wholeness, forgiveness, mercy), they chose the least miraculous and the most natural. They didn't want anything to happen out of the ordinary, even if it was to benefit themselves and others.

It is AMAZING how much church folk are like the Gadarenes. So many want the calm of status quo, even if it means Jesus keeps movin' on. A colleague of mine who is transitioning his church had a very religious member come in and chew his butt for 30 minutes about all the changes that were taking place and how it just wasn't the same anymore. My friend said, "OK, but what about the lives that are being changed, the people being reached, the souls being saved, the marriages being put back together?", filling in with details and facts and numbers. The guy said, "I don't care about that--you've changed my church!"

Nothing is more disappointing to me than when so-called believers take and hold on to the attitude of the Gadarenes: they'd rather Jesus keep on movin' somewhere else so that their lives and church can get back to normal; the way THEY like it. This is a swine flu that is epidemic in the American church. Church leadership that tries to overcome this influenza is in for a tough fight. Frankly, few will survive because this attitude is so entrenched. God help us!

Unzipped pants

We are in the middle of a series on the family entitled, "Family Feuds." Yesterday's message was, "Who's the Boss?". It was a message on gaining and maintaining the biblical order for a family: God -> Parents -> Children. We sold more CDs after the services than on any other message we've done in a long, long time.

So anyway, in the first of three worship services, I was telling the story of being in Barnes and Nobles Friday night with my wife and watching as two children, about ages 4 & 7, run up and down the aisles of the store laughing and screaming and yelling. I wondered at the time, "Where are the parents?" Then I discovered them on the organic foods aisle totally impervious to the fact that their kids were ruining the experience for everyone else.

As I'm telling the story to my congregation, I said: "I wanted to give those parents a gift," and then I reached down, pulled up my untucked shirttail and started to undo my belt--implying the parents needed to use the belt on the kids. Everyone laughed and I moved on.

After the service, a guy who was sitting on the 2nd row came into our guest welcoming room (The Next Step Room) and said, "I'm pretty sure your pants were unzipped." I looked down, and sure enough, they were unzipped! I died!!! And I'm left to ponder, "Who else noticed that my pants were unzipped?" No one else has mentioned it so I'm hoping he was the only one.

Isn't leadership a scream? You work so hard at getting your act together, to present yourself as a respectable, trustworthy person that others can feel confident in following--and then you discover your pants are unzipped. Or that you miscalculated the cost on something. Or overestimated the support you thought you had for a new direction and vision. You look down, and your pants are unzipped. And you are faced once again with the fact that you're just not quite together as you thought you were; and certainly not together as others think you are!

Don't ever forget that God uses fragile, and even cracked, clay jars to do His glorious work. The attention should not be on the vessel, but on what comes out of the vessel; not on the tool, but on the Hands that use the tool. So when your pants are unzipped for all to see, laugh--and be grateful to God that He still uses you.

The Bonaparte Flaw

I'm reading a big honkin' biography on Napoleon Bonaparte; like 936 pages! If ever there was somebody who tasted too much success too quickly, it was Bonaparte. By age 28 he was leading the French Army to victory as a general in Northern Italy and then by his 30th year in Egypt.

He was a masterful tactician, always placing his armies in the best possible position to win a battle. However, his weak strategic planning, coupled with his over-inflated ego, continually placed him and his army in unsustainable situations. Reading his biography, it's obvious that he saw people only as stepping stones to his own greatness. People acted like they liked him, but behind the scenes he was despised by almost all who knew him.

What I notice about many younger pastors who taste success early is this 'Bonaparte flaw.' The times I'm around some of them there is a noticeable lack of genuine humility. They come across as if they've got it all figured out; that their success is a function of their insight, their leadership, their personality. I always wonder to myself: "Where will they be 25 years from now? Is how they view themselves and how they lead their churches sustainable for the long run?"

At 31 Napoleon led a coup and became Ruler of the French Empire. Of course, such an accomplishment was not enough to satisfy his appetite for fame and glory. His insatiable appetite for more eventually cost him everything.

Pastors have been granted such an incredible opportunity to influence. When we influence people for our own purposes, it's not sustainable--God will see to that. Make decisions that are sustainable for the long haul. See individuals as objects of God's love--not as persons who can help you get what you want . . . even if you think what you want is what God wants. Don't let the 'Bonaparte Flaw' short-circuit your ministry and future.

Forget Community

A couple of weeks ago we had a guy in to be our closer at our small group training session. He had some associations with staff at a couple of the mega-mega churches. This guy told me that these two churches are essentially giving up on small groups. He was talking to one of the staff about small groups and the mega-mega guy said, "You still doing that stuff?", like, "That's so yesteryear!"

Nothing is more difficult these days than to get folks to give up an evening every week to build community. With the schedule people keep, finding time in between ball games and band concerts and you name it--is an increasingly difficult challenge. But worth it.

The paradox is that people crave intimacy, but they resist doing the stuff that actually fosters it. They have so many small 'doses' of community supplied by their hectic lifestyle, that they don't always feel the need for biblical community.

But biblical community is worth whatever cost it takes to achieve it. I can't ignore the need I have to find support, encouragement, and accountability from other Christ-followers. I can't forget that the concept of community begins with the Triune God. So we're going to keep at it.

IDNTIMWYTIM Part 2

One of my support staff has decided she is leaving her husband. We have divorced individuals on our staff, so I don't have a problem with people having suffered a divorce in their past. If her husband had abused her physically or if he had had an affair, I wouldn't have been on the horns of the dilemma I mentioned yesterday. If he was filing on her, we would support her completely. But her leaving him; her filing on him. That's tough.

My wife and I care deeply for this woman. She's been a member of our church for almost 15 years--almost as long as we have been. She has been on our staff for almost 5 years. If I terminate her, she has no job and no income. I've been waiting a couple of months to see if she was going to allow God to get back into the middle of the marriage. But no. So I called her in, asked her point blank, "Are you planning on divorcing him?" She said, "Yes." I said, "I want you to go to counseling, the both of you." She said essentially, "Won't do any good." I said, "Well, this leaves me in quite a predicament." Eventually, I arrived at this plan: I gave her a week off (paid) to search for a job. Then I'll have to terminate her. However, if at the end of the week she has no job, I'll keep her on for a period if she'll go to counseling with her husband. My hope and prayer would be that after the reality of not having a job hits her, she'll be more open to going to counseling--and maybe, just maybe, God will do a miracle for them.

I'm sick and tired of people who call themselves 'Christ-followers' making decisions that Jesus would never make or lead them to make. There's a breakdown here. For so many, when they say they are Christ-followers: "I do not think it means what you think it does!"

I do not think it means what you think it means

It's a wacky world. In the past four weeks, four women in my church have walked out on their marriages. I don't get it. Their husbands weren't perfect--no one is. But these guys love their wives. To a man, they are loyal, loving, serving--did I say I don't get it?

Maybe it's just me, but it feels like a new phenomenon. Used to, it was guys walking out on their wives. Usually the reason was they found somebody that was younger, or to their eye, looked better. It just wasn't all that unusual for the guy to have the affair; the guy to get itchy feet.

One of the four women told me she just wanted her freedom. One just got tired of her husband's imperfections. One just lost some weight, got her teeth straightened, and thought she'd test the waters. One had an affair with a guy on a business trip and decided that was the way to go. These are all Christ-followers, or so they say. As Inigo Montoya says to Vizzini in The Princess Bride, "I do not think it means what you think it means." Being a Christ-follower is a path to walk, not a title to claim.

One of the four is on my staff. She says there is no one else; she's just tired of being married to the guy. I struggled with what to do: if I terminated her, I've put her out on her ear; if I didn't terminate her, I've let her pursue and path of sin--and paid her for it.

What to do? More tomorrow!